for your imagination

Parting

2010-11-15T18:32:00.003+11:00

First of all, I didn't ban anyone from my tagbox. CHILLAX GUYS. LOL Yes everyone who had presumably thought I had blocked them have reported to me & I'm just posting to reiterate that nothing of that sort happened kay. I'm not a hater :-D - not publicly at least LOL
I don't know why people are being blocked either but it's not sucha bad timing.

Second of all, I'm not gonna blog anymore. 'Cause I would much rather tumblr. It's like blogging & twittering in 1 package & since I can't commit to either....there's only 1 solution, that is TUMBLR ME BABYYYYY ! And I happen to stalk a lot more tumblr pages than blog pages *shrugs* People seem to update more often on tumblr as well so I'm happy to be constantly informed about anything & everything all. the. freaking. time.

Before I part, http://lady-carcar.tumblr.com
Join & I'll see you around. Don't join & I may see you around still but I'm gonna go on a Tumblr joy-ride now!!!!

2010-10-21T09:05:00.006+11:00

I am in a dark & daunting place atm.
I'm sitting here terrorized by the close future ahead of me & the events to proceed.
Where am I?

In a train going towards uni.
AHHHH THE TERRORRRR *flails arms*
I also have 2 group meetings today.
The more the deadlier : l

I. want. to. throw. a. tantrum. on. the. floor. right. now.

Fly like a G6 bitch

2010-10-19T16:59:00.011+11:00

I am really not surprised its taken me this long to return to blogging. After giving myself a guilt trip about my totally limited sense of commitment to everything & absolutely anything, I decided to open up this grueling page to write about something. Yes & I understand it's a real problem that I have a limited attention span but the truth is maybe there really isn't anything lately that was worth a post. Okay...I lied.

There was Paramore & there were some enjoyable movies that I've watched lately that I could've talked about (Despicable Me - I didn't expect to like this let alone LOVE) but then I was just not enthusiastic enough to give a shit whether anyone knew about it or not so I've stuck to reality - a commitment which I found difficult to make since uni started BUT it's back to haunt me again 'cause the exams are creeping closer than ever &...well I'm just not ready. I don't think you can ever be ready 'cause if you ever have that mentality I think thats when your performance kinda dwindles away or remains constant & I don't like living with contempt. I would love a better taste of Ds or god damn a HD LOL But I'm just in the wrong place at the wrong time. It's kinda like being stuck in the mud. You're stuck, you know you're stuck, you're waiting for someone or something to pull you out but then no one has the guts & you just struggle & kinda squirm in my case but you're breathing. And I know it's my body's language of desperation when I start to squirm :l Exams make me squirm...a lot. Like all night man. Maybe I just make it seem as if it's a life/death matter - sometimes it does when my parents are hovering over me with a dagger in their hand threatening for nothing less than Excellent marks. Why don't I just do something about it by studying?! I ask myself. I tried studying. But I don't try hard enough 'cause if I did then I wouldn't be blogging atm would I? Yeh, smarty pants why can't I just be smarter so that studying could become a hobby *knocks head*

Positively - Paramore GODDAMNITWASTHEBESTSHITOUT.
ISWEARI'LLDOITAGAIN&AGAIN&AGAIN&FORANOTHERINFINITYLIFETIMES. That's just me being VERY excited. LOL More like post-excitement since its already been 3 days since the concert but seriousleeee guys if you've never been to a rock concert before you'll regret it. Trust me. And if you don't regret it, I'll regret it on your behalf & maybe die from over-dosage. I'll just leave you with an image.

Yeh now blur out their faces & imagine my face there. Can you hear me screaming DEWWW IT MANNNNNN ! DEWWWW IT MANNN ! x infinity. Whether you're into Rihanna (400$), Usher (??), Muse (x3)...or....The Wiggles? (36$ LOLOLOL) Don't make make me regret on your behalf.
Speaking of which, I want a small "No regrets" tat in Thai on my shoulder blade but I'll see.

Epitomy of E

2010-07-26T01:05:00.004+10:00

In honour of the letter 'e', I would like to write up this post. Rarely have I ever thought about the significance of anything other than my friends, family & him & then one day, E came along & sparked interest in my MSN conversation with him. There's really only one him & that would be Harold* (*names have been modified to protect the individual, the real name is actually Hieu).

Without E, there would be no sex . finger. head. grope. asshole. orgie . Ah ha. Now have I captured your attention? Have I now? Now that I have, PAY YOUR RESPECT to E. E has evolutionised the world. E has created a revolution. None of these mentioned words would've existed. EXISTED wouldn't even EXIST. This sentence wouldn't even occur in real time. What's next? It's MUTINY! I'm sure you can come up with many more interesting & fascinating words with E D: Evangelion! No more twisted bullshit & boobies for you kiddies. Bleach! Nothing left for the freaks! Deathnote! Oh goodbye emos genevos. Oh well. Anime didn't mean the world to me & the fact that the word itself doesn't actually define the world emphasises my idea. There are some words that I can more than happily let slip into the 'swirling vortex of entropy' (Sheldon Cooper LOL Saranghae <3) 'cause they're equally time consuming to say aswell as a pain to imagine such as:

1/ Emu - OH MY GOD. Are they gronk or what. There is no word that can describe this THING & thank goodness there isn't 'cause even if there was - straight to the vortex brother. Straight there. They displease me & so does the name itself. EEEEE-MEWWWWW. That's it. It's like a disruptive noise coming from a baby's mouth. Did I mention the baby of an ogre (but Shrek).

2/ HEHEHEHE: I wouldn't mind this if it was a word 'cause it would humour me but it's actually a noise & a noise that a human being actually makes whether it is intentional or not & it's leaning towards "I wanna be cute but this is all I can come up with so HEHEHEHEHE" HELLO ANNOYINGGGGG. Even KEKEKEKEK sounds better then HEHEHEHEHE. Actually if you try sounding it out with intense passion, you can resign immediately from your career & consider a full time prospect of a pedophiliac profession.

3/ Sheeple: The reason why I love the word 'rebel'. Unless you're like me then you would have little understanding of that word. According to Wikipedia (oh trusty trusty Wiki), sheeple describes people that "are likened to sheep". Dude, simply put, you're a sheep in human form. What is there to be proud of. How utterly condescending that word is.

4/ Portmanteaux: Oh cut the crap you pompous ass. This word actually defines bad crap crazy words being combined together to create a new word. RIGHTTTT, portmanteaux was also made by combining cow dung with more dung. Port - man - rubbish. 3 words that I look upon with disdain especially the 2nd word unless it's Harold. An example would be Lewis Carroll's (with all due respect) reference to lexical selection in which Humpty Dumpty combined 'fuming' & 'furious' to create 'frumious'. ARGH just typing this word makes me so FRUMIOUS >:l

- There are too many to name & honestly I would rest the day I die if I could but I'm human & I have very human needs such as sleep. And another thing is I loathe odd figures so I decided to stop at 4 'cause 6 feels a long way away.

Time is another matter. I wouldn't have known what I would've done without time & literally I think I would've wondered around aimlessly wondering how long it has been & if it really has taken it as long as I thought it would take. But without proper measurement, how would we know. How would we. I would be more comforted believing it has A LOT to do with the Big Bang Theory & Einstein's Time Theory than to do with some Genesis in the bible & something about god.

I've strayed. I've strayed quite far from what I set out to achieve.
E is important & E to me appeared insignificant but deep down inside, some place in our heart if we put the effort (burn some kilojules you fat shit) into it then we would realise that it carries greatness. A greatness that we wouldn't have noticed if we didn't find & couldn't have appreciated if we didn't realise. Like many other little things in life, they always say "it's the small things that count" & the smallest are always hard to discover. Invest some time in appreciating what you're given & what you have 'cause whatever you possess is immeasurable. Not one individual can retain a duplicate of your experiences or how you feel.

Most of all, without E....there would be no me.

Vivienne Westfood - Westwood. Hungry should be my middle name.

2010-07-21T01:10:00.009+10:00

And they always say looks are deceiving.
But right now I don't really care if I'm being scammed, robbed or raped atm with deceit. 'Cause after looking at these beautifully photoshopped images....I'm in love all over again.
Vivienne Westwood really has my heart racing.
When I look at them like this, it gives me a heart ache.

For me:

If you look closely, they're all ranged from $200-$500, the most expensive being the squareish ring ($433.36) which seems very disfunctional on the finger but also one that I find the most attractive. And that knuckle-ring to the right of it .... how can you hate it. How can you. If you hate that then you would probably have the heart to kick a puppy to death. It's my all-time favourite which I first saw in the manga NANA. How can you hate NANA. If you hate that then - yeh, that's beyond my point here. The rest are pretty self-explanatory. They're magnificent & unique in their own sense. One day. One day I'll have these babies. A girl can dream.

For my baby:

He would never in his right mind wear any of these selected shoes but I like to believe that someday he would have the same sophisticated fashion sense as I. I strongly think he would purchase that T though - if it wasn't that expensive. And he probably thinks the chain is 'alright' but I would buy it anyway if it didn't again cost half of my current fortune.

For my other baby:

Isn't this just the cutest thing in the entire universe?!?!
If only their price tags were cute too.
Well, my child can only wear the finest.

I'll end this post with a tear & a short sob.

3:07PM - Still no food on the table.

2010-07-13T14:48:00.004+10:00

Alright, just a heads up - this post isn't gonna be very exciting because :

1/ A faggot is sleeping in my bed in MY exact geographical location. I don't know if it bothers you but it most definitely bothers me 'cause he's also drooling on my beloved pillow. Adding to that, he's creating very disruptive noises which is breaking my concentration. See. Now I've lost my point.

2/ Because of the above, I am very hungry hence very _______ . Rule #1, a girl is in no condition to negotiate or compromise when she is hungry so you can insert any word into that gap that is intensely negative or anything that sounds like dumadon'ttouchmeorI'llbreakyourlimbswithglee. BECAUSE he's the gatherer & the gatherer is fast falling into hibernation. Where are the berries.
Where is my caeser salad.
He's starving civilisation.

3/ Because of the above caused by its above, I've lost all will & ambition to continue with this post. I am writing to express my sincere loss & depression because of this unfortunate event that has occurred under my very roof. Because there is no food on my plate, no bread & butter on the table, no wine - there is no me. I will now pulverise into a green void & never ever come back.

*Pulverisation in process. . . .*

P.S. By the time you have finished reading this, I will already be in that pretty void I mentioned.

Lull .. lull ..... lull ............

2010-05-17T23:51:00.003+10:00

Some things just don't go the way planned.
'Cause what you planned didn't seem to plan out.
And then what?
You panic. You stress. Maybe you'll cry about it.
I wouldn't know....'cause things seem to go in plan for me atm.

OR that's what I think.
I have unfinished (& unstarted) assignments dued...a formal presentation up for grabs...& yet I can not find the will in me to panic, stress or cry.
I don't know why.
I wish I could have some sort of incentive just to make me work harder even if it's a teensy weensy bit harder. 'Cause I wanna work harder. I wanna work so hard, my loins & limbs & every joint are aching & sore until I actually have a normal or plausible reaction - maybe like dropping dead to sleep every night from exhaustion? 'Cause if I'm not dying. I'm not working hard enough. And if I'm not working hard enough, where is my money gonna come from. They won't be growing in my backyard 'cause I don't have trees.
Money doesn't grow on trees either.

I'm sleepy but I can't sleep.
And when I do sleep, it's unsettling.
When I wake up, I want to sleep again.
No. I'm quite sure it's not depression.
It's just a lull in my life.
Hopefully, a very short one 'cause I wanna be a complete & dedicated nerd again!

MAN UP CARISSA!!!

University - Full of deception

2010-05-04T00:13:00.008+10:00

U *points at you* Victim #1
N 'n' (and)
I *points at me* Victim #2
V isiting
E vil
R uthless
S inful
I sland
T hat's terrifying, terrible, terribad, tasteless, too-shit
Y eoooow!!!! Yikes!!!! Yipee-not!

I made an easy peasy acronym dedicated to University, my bff in under 1 minute 'cause I love you so much.

So we were all deceived into thinking that uni was the holliest place on Earth, the planets & the galaxies beyond. So, we were tricked into the asshole insitute, worked our buttocks off for a good 6 years of our existence, died during HSC - died a few more times & then recarnated to do the final exam before we woopee & woopaed! But really...did we get value out of the effort? I think not. Well not in the short term. And when I speak of short term...I mean like this instance, the present. Long-term wise, why I suppose? But that's beyond my point. I think I learnt a very valuable lesson. Actually I learnt TWO. Wow. 2 for the price of 1. How bloody asian.

1/ You can never really understand an experience unless you experience it yourself.

2/ You learn from your experiences.

3/ Have no positive nor high expectations whatsoever when it comes down to something like education beyond highschool.

I realised that I have 3 now. Truly a bargain.What it all comes down to...is DON'T me misleaded by the positive angelic words that people have told you, what you have heard/overheard/eavesdropped/(more importantly)assumed. Uni is not made of ponies, rainbows, sunshine & daffodils. Sorry to disappoint you but it's everything you didn't think of. It's really about ogres, hail stones, torrential rain & Venus Flytraps. It CAN be enjoyable but really...how can you say it's the thing you look forward to every morning in the biting cold as your nose falls off & your eyeballs jump out of their sockets from sleep deprivation? It's because...not everyone is a complete nerd like YOU ARE - G E E K. Yeh, G E E K is a word. SAY WHAT? Even geeks don't particularly enjoy uni. Don't lie. You know you don't. When you say you do, your body is really screaming for release.

Of course I know. I'm a 1st year student. I KNOW. And everyone else knows. And now I also understand the experience of going to uni 'cause I'm experiencing it right in the NOW - & for the following yearS. How fun :D To put it bluntly - there is nothing to look forward to except for the sweet caress of Freedom after I've received the piece of paper that prints in a very fugly font (DIPLOMA OF BUSINESS + MASTERS OF SOMETHING - I'm still not sure you see). Then it'll be woopee woopa. Dejavu much? This time it's a little different. I'll be wopee & woopaing with a happiness that surpasses that of highschool. I cried when highschool ended. Cried with real tears not with fake emotions made available by eye-droplets. You could say I was crying with raw passion ;o; I for one know that I'll be crying out of pure joy & glee when Uni finally comes to a permanent halt. Not because I don't have friends...or I'm a lonely psychopath or anything...*sooks* lol no really.

The people there are super awesome & although I'm mostly surrounded, harassed & bullied by boys...it's mostly for shit & giggles :) I'm not masochistic. But I'm not so sure the positives outweigh the negatives. The lectures...tbh are just boring. I thought Business Studies in highschool had some highlights throughout the course but when it comes to Uni...there's not a few let alone 'some' that can stop you from having a shut-eye. That's actually a euphemism to the majority. It's like you're being sung a soft lullaby. It's against nature to not feel comfortable & just fall into a doze. Are you human or what? Yes & if you are human then you would know that humans are lazy, self-centred, ignorant, hungry animals. No? Yeh, thought you were ignorant. Sucker.

This morning...was petrifying. I was SO tired, so sleepy, SO bored out of my mind that yes at many times I was VERY out of my mind. I fidgeted, tossed & to the extent where I could be described as writhing in my chair. When you become so traumatisingly helpless...you turn to sleep - the cousin of death. And sometimes you wonder why you feel so tired that you feel like you're dying? Maybe you are - in an illiteral sense. My head lulled backwards & forwards & afraid of being ratted out by any of my fellow members (actually I just didn't want to be awaken once I died in my seat), I casually placed my small palms infront of my huge face & tried to disguise my sleep as a headache. Not to mention, I had no excuises to behave that way when I chose to sit in the SECOND row of the lecture room. How bright of me.
It's costing my LIFE.
FREAKING HELL.I WANNA SLEEP.
JUST LET ME SLEEP.
Why didn't I just walk out of the lecture room & go home then? 'Cause I thought maybe a miracle would allow me to recover...& I did thank goodness. It was the break that saved me. I could tell everyone was snapping out of their dreams/nightmares as soon as they heard "a short break" stream out of the lecturer's thin lips. But I thought wrong. Once he got back, I was knocked out of conciousness - again for...god knows how many times 'cause there was so many to the extent I can't recall any reasonable figure. It's unfortunate to say...that Uni was not as anyone assumed, obviously not as I assumed. Let me leave you with this; The tri-factors to endure Uni to the end with an average rate of survival:

1/ Have sufficient sleep. I can not stress again how boring the lecturers are already alone. Without sleep, guess what? Sleeping at Uni would only be second nature.

2/ Study. No, I don't mean studying infront of your notebook whilst Facebook is on full blast whilst you're also 'multi-tasking' & tapping away at your MSN screen. NO. SIT & STARE AT THAT STUPID SHIT TEXTBOOK.

3/ Make friends. Don't be a wuss. Talk to someone. Anyone at any given time at Uni when you're not snoring in the lectures. Trust me, it's so boring to such an epic degree when there's not anyone around. Train rides alone explain for itself. If you're scared. Don't be. There's someone out there who is as scared & would be as pleased & delighted to speak to another lonely kient like you.

(This is NOT something you should depend on. Refer to it as a guide. Use your brain. This is from MY personal point of view. Uni relies on deeper foundations & is so much more complex than these 3 points
sadly.)

If any lecturer comes across this blog...& coincidentally this entry...I apologise for hurting your feelings - IF YOU HAVE ANY THAT IS. WHY WOULD YOU PRESENT SUCH DISTASTEFUL LECTURES IF YOU WANT US TO PAY ATTENTION. ATLEAST TRY. FOR GOD'S SAKE. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT & STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT THE STRANGE "HUM & BUZZ" COMING FROM THE AUDIENCE. YES IT IS THE SOUND OF US MAMMALS HIBERNATING & YES IT IS UNPLEASANT. But what's more, the lecturers are the source of this disgraceful behaviour. I admit, it is not entirely attractive but I'm exhausted. It's only been 1/2 a semester & sometimes....I feel very out of it. The message hasn't sunk in yet. It feels like I've just finished highschool yesterday.

I tried.

2010-04-23T01:51:00.002+10:00

Now give me just one short moment to activate my temper which is hardwired to my coherence in writing so fluidly. Alright, I'm ready. No, I'm not. Another second. Nopes. I'ts not working. I'll get back to this...some time soon - hopefully.

Oh poo. I’m busting. I’m always holding my piss for no apparent reason. Maybe ‘cause if I leave my current position...I’ll come back feeling differently to how I felt. Omg. What am I talking about. Somebody tell me.

This is the reason why people don’t go to uni.‘Cause every exam feels like your entire life depends on it & it just freaking doesn’t alright? ‘Cause isn’t that what you thought when you did your HSC?
It’s like you’re dying but in fact you’re not. Nah...that’s just an exaggeration ‘cause I feel moody ‘cause I’m tired but I don’t wanna sleep.
No reason again.
There’s like a really weird void that I’m dying to...see, I don’t even know how to describe it. That’s what’s happening right now. It’s like there’s a magnificent glitch in my brain that won’t go away.
And it won’t go away ‘cause...I feel like I’ve aged 10 years when really it has only been a few months since high school ended?
Why am I using (?) so excessively?
Maybe ‘cause there’s a lot of questions that needs answering? And I can’t get it answered ‘cause I’m capped & I’m sick of being capped ‘cause yahooanswers gives me something no other place can offer.
Stupid Optus.
Stupid stupid stupid.
On a lighter note, I have my holidays!
Woopee.

Pee.

I need to pee.

Like now.

Nuisance-tic People (They're so cool, they have their own category)

2010-03-16T01:06:00.001+11:00

You know what's shit? Havin to deal with people who talk about shit all day. Like all freakin day long. This it not an exageration since my day isn't that long anyway. But when some topics feel like it's never going to end, it's not worth talking about. No. That's not it. It's just the people you talk to are squirrels with a voice. No matter what you say, whether it's a simple comment about the weather (well actually, it's kinda more than sad if you talk to someone about the weather, there really must be a large degree of awkwardness) or a remark. They find a way to manipulate the situation & force their point of view on your head. Like it makes them appear intelligent in a way. Well hell to that. There is no 'way' that makes the situation seem even nearly CLOSE to intelligent when these people try to pull this off. It's as if there's a social debate that can be made out of everything. And actually, it's not a debate when they're continuously correcting you whether it makes sense or not. So the guy could be full of shit & if you're one of them who are easily pushed into a silent agreement then you would most likely give a quiet but steady nod.

You know what I realised about these people? They don't have a lot of friends. Or no friends that are commited to listen to him/her atleast. 'Cause they have nothing to say that is worth my time. They're just creating toxic waste & polluting the air even more than necessary. Sometimes, you think of why they would do that in hope that you would find some sort of reasonable defence that could back up their ridiculous behaviour. Well, I can tell you, they're either too intelligent & out of your league, they have ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder; saying this actually might transfer the illness immediately to your system) or they have the brain of a jackass. I like to think they're a jackass because it brings me the most comfort & because from my personal experience, I feel this is the best answer. Maybe it's 'cause they lack a challenge in life? So by challenging you, it's also a challenge to themselves. And also by challenging you, there's a chance of embarassing you & ultimately boost their low egos to maximum point in a duration of seconds. I honestly hate it when they do that to you 'cause it just emphasises how much of a pansy they are & how desperately they need support on their intellect. It's a sign indicating that you need a new bunch of friends.

To sum me up in 1 word, I'm nice :D See my brilliant smile. Not only am I nice but I don't like to use their methods of what they call a 'challenge'. I don't respond to them so that they don't feel like it's a challenge no more. That's right. It's not a challenge anymore when you're being ignored now is it? So you turn away, hoping that they get the picture. But these people don't often see the picture or they choose not to see the picture 'cause they're fags. They find it easier to ramble on & to overwhelm you with whatever essay-response they can come up with. That would mean that Plan A: Ignore the Bitch won't actually work. If you notice, their satisfaction is fulfilled when they hear your silence & SEE your silence. It's unsettling if they can't SEE your expression 'cause they won't know if you're paying enough attention to hear her continue her minister speech. Which brings up Plan B: Run Away. Or walk away 'cause running away would hurt her poor feelings so much that she'll cry & stab herself to sleep (I'm referring to 'her' 'cause I know a 'her'). Just excuise yourself, walk out of your train carriage & enter another one casually. Don't be brutal. They will grenade you & your family. If you can't walk away, where the freak are you, may I ask? (If you broke your leg, then you could atleast hop away) Are you dumb enough to let you & that sicko have a chance of being stranded together? It's either you're a proud masochist or you're just too god damn weak. These people are robbing your wellbeing without you conciously knowing it! Why must you listen to their rubbish. If you wanted to then you would turn on 60 Minutes. A complete episode of 60 minute waffle with the convenience of turning the voice on & off, softer or louder.

It pains me to hear their voices. On better days, it hurts me a little less but it still hurts me. On worse days, when you know your uni lecture was giving you shit & you can't convert a fraction to decimal form under a minute, you just wanna bash & invert their entire body. You want the skin in the inside & the guts where you can see them in plain sight. "Oh, maybe you could..." *I simply suggest an idea* "Well, that would be dumb. Be RATONAL...*insert load of shit*" You know why they're like this? I found another reason. They're snobs. They're smug about everything you say & think. Even when you think it & you're not saying it, they assume you're thinking it & then respond to this 'thought' of yours that you didn't say aloud. So they might go, "What the fuck. Don't think that.." Don't assume what I think alright? Obviously what they're saying is the reverse of what you're thinking & when you argue that they're mistaken, they complain about your denial. They can't take no for an answer let alone that they're 'mistaken'. To them, you're suggesting they're mentally incapable. Yeh, that's exactly what I could be suggesting. Listen to those stuck-up brats. No wonder I wanna kill them. I'm a usually non-violent person aswell.

Only Losers are Not Gay

2010-03-09T00:55:00.002+11:00

Flowers. Bright colours. Skipping. Laughing. Gossiping.
Does the above sound like a bunch of 'gay' men?
Or should I say 'happy' & 'contempt' men?
Just because the general population of men are sober doesn't mean that the remainder are gay. What I'm talking about here are you little mongrels who think that the boy who doesn't behave like you should be condemned 'gay'. Those words I've listed should've sparked some sort of optimistic & exuberant images in your head. Whether you're thinking of drug addicts or unicorns. They're having fun (Unless they're dying then shut up). If it didn't, then you're probably depressed or emo. Saying that the guy who acts like the above as being homosexual is freaking depressing. This further reinforces that you're depressed. Go & get yourself checked by a psychologist.

Pink shirts worn on boys disgust you. Striped pants make you cringe let alone being seen with the corresponding pink shirt. Well, that's your problem. Not theirs. Do you see me vomiting & hyperventilating at the sight of a guy who dresses that way? Obviously not or I wouldn't be sitting here telling about how shit you idiots are. Cut the crap alright? Just because you can't be as happy & open about polky dots doesn't mean that you have to hate this guy's guts 'cause he can handle the stuff. The fact that he enjoys wearing polky dots & these patterns doesn't mean that he's gay also. He likes dying his hair pink? He likes to plait his pink hair. Kudos. I'm going to give him a silent round of applause for being modestly courageous. He spends hours on his pink head everyday creating different & creative shapes. Hence, he is gay.

What the F? Alright, 'normal' guys play games. They jack their Xbock & hammer their keyboards as little pixelated men run around on their screen belting & slicing up their opponents as you LAN with your BFFs where you would simulaltaneously scream out "WHATT THE FUCKKKK. FUCKINGG GOT OWNEDD. WHAT THE FUCKK WAS THATT. YOU FUCKINGG NOOB." So you guys all sook once your team, coven, squad whatever, loses over some virtual fight & continue to sulk about it for days over reality & online. If that's not enough, let's look at one particular line from the 'story' behind the popular "World of Warcraft" game.
Chapter 1-"In time, a primitive tribe of nocturnal humanoids cautiously made their way to the edges of the mesmerizing enchanted lake."
What was that? Did you just string 'mesmerizing', 'enchanted' & 'lake' into the same sentence? ('humanoid' is actually a word,my mouth is getting wider by the minute D:) Not to mention, they actually make sense in ascending order. Wow. That was so freaking brutal, I swear my neck was shaking. Yeh, I was shaking my head in disgust 'cause I was so mortified by the images that were ‘suppose’ to make you guys appear 'non-gay' or 'pure ownage'. Stop sitting there making up bullshit noises & find a solution to the ceaseless deterioration of the ozone-layer. That's a bunch of garbage guys :D or should I say GIRLS. Boys gossiping & giggling don't disturb me. The fact that you enjoy twiddling your fingers away to some world that doesn't exist & enjoying the idea of giving each other 'head shots' doesn't make you HOMOSEXUAL is beyond me. Now, I've noticed that I've been specifically targeting gamers. Fine, you sooking babies. I'll move on.

You play soccer, football, cricket whilst the other 'girly' & 'gay-looking' kid plays table tennis (or you manly guys like to call "PING PONG"). Well suck on my imaginary penis alright? You see those ping pong kids? They freakin have more muscle in their arms than your artificially built body put together. They can handle balls better than you can 'cause they can manoeuvre balls that are microscopically too challenging for you fat shits who have their eye bags converted to muscle. You think they're basking in some imaginary glory? You think ping pong is an 'easy' game without much challenge & skill? Well, you know nothing & neither do I. I don't know how to play like a skilled table tennis player 'cause I don't have the guts & the capable patience. You don't either. Not 'cause he's gay. Not 'cause he's homosexual. He's just a hero who likes to do something that the majority of boys wouldn't do. They're also known as entrepreneurs. Not so gay now is it.

"Then why would they act that way if they're not gay????" a childish voice accusingly asks. What way you manwhore? What, they have fancy ways of pointing at people. They walk majestically & elegantly. Oh no. That's SO WRONG! They can't do that! Walking majestically & elegantly is gay! So what then.What the freak do you want you demanding, manipulative bitches. You want them to walk like a disabled then? Is that what is non-gay? Is bouncing from one sole of your foot to the other as you rap to some R'n'B music non-gay? My anger is increasing exponencially towards you ratties. Yeh, I'm talking to yah homiez. Sup couz? Yeh, I wanna start shitz with yah. Since the word 'gay'is closely knit to being 'pansy' then I would like to declare YOU as the king of gays. Oh, did I hurt your feelings?? Awwwwwww. Go hide behind your cotton hoodie man. That black shade suits you fine. Where are you?! I've lost you?! I can't see you?! Go to hell. Pull your pants up whilst you're at it. Why in the hell would you hard kients want to tease people who are enjoying their lives in a different perspective. You sadistic? You're lucky they're not teasing YOU about how awful you smell & how spastic you guys walk through life. You hang around McDonadlds. No. You're not hanging. Stop euphemising the situation. You're playing infront of McDonalds. What kind of tard plays there. The 'gays' go karaoke & sing to Miley Cyrus. I hate her alright? But they're socialising through legal means. Stop stalking the lady at the Maccas counter & loitering around those expensive cars. Busted. You were about to steal those cars weren't you? Wait. Hang on. You guys don't have the guts to. Low lives.

It takes a gay to know a gay. That may not be completely true 'cause you could just be a dumbass who calls every guy who hangs out with a group of girls as gay. They're not gay buddy. They're deceiving & sly, that's what they are. They play the game well & win the hearts of all the angels you dream of touching. They're the ones the fragile girls turn to when they're sad. They're the ones who get to feel the sweet caress of their hands as your favourite girl gives him a well-earned Hi-5 after singing a perfect duet of a High School Musical routine. Stop moping you jealous brats. Do you put in that much time & effort? No. Do you dare to sing along with them to Britney Spears' Lucky in public? Hell fucking no. So that's right. You wish you had some skills they had don't you? You don't have to wish you moron. There's something 'gay' about every guy. It's whether they're willing to express it or not. It's whether they want to show you or not. It's whether they would accept it or not 'cause every man could.

I'm not saying every 'gay' acts this way 'cause they don't but their style is considered too 'eccentric' to adapt to or adopt. They're not homosexual. They're different & they love being different. Stop being a duplicate. You're not made in bulks like the Coke you just drank so stop acting like one.

2012

2009-12-03T23:55:00.003+11:00

"Forever and forever and forever," he murmured.
"That sounds exactly right to me."
And then we continued blissfully into this small but
perfect piece of our forever.
Bella.

I was wrong. I'm just too tired to post. I deleted my entire first sentence & just heaved a megatron-sigh. I'll write what I can & nothing more. Really, I was meant to talk about the film 2012. It really did alter my thoughts in a way 'cause I always thought the world was immune to the unknown but damn was I naive. It really does take you into another realm 'cause some day, whether it's 2012 or in another few hundred years, this planet would deteriorate & bring down with it everything that it can possibly grasp onto. Whilst watching the film, I was clinging onto my bf's chest for dear life almost fearing the tsunami waves in a very childish manner. I would've sobbed aswell but wouldn't that have been too embarassing! lol

Icy don't you think? It's making me thirsty . _ .

It does make you think a damn lot when it comes to the word 'forever'. It's used quite excessively in the Twilight saga but to me it never really lost its true meaning & significance. Maybe to these unrealistic characters, there was forever and forever 'cause they're so bloody obsessed with each other. Not like I wasn't & still aren't obsessed one way or another with my bf but it does really steal away your independance. (Those times laying in bed staring aimlessly at the ceiling hoping he would evaporate in mid-air). Then again, if you're independent suppose it puts you at a risk of oblivion to the special moments shared b/w each other.

Forever is a daunting word. Infact a lot of people don't believe in forever. But some who have experienced it do. I wanna experience it. I wanna be able to tell others that there really is forever. Maybe not with the existence of the world but with something so much more. Today, I witnessed a taste of forever. Eating dinner together with my bf (discreetly dating of course) with my parents & seeing everyone laugh so openly & warmly meant that this was real. Everything was real & that I was also a candidate embarking towards a perfect piece of our forever. Maybe you are too?

I had work at 4A.M. this morning. I only had around 2 hours of sleep the previous night. I'm impressed by the quality of my stream of conscience. I hear a constant beeping noise against my ears. It's really annoying. I think that's my system alarm telling me to gtfo before I crash permanently.

l i c k e d by ℓadɣ ɕarɕar

SAND STORMM ARGHH!

2009-09-23T15:06:00.006+10:00

Past week has been real busy celebrating me & bfs anniversary & his birthday aswell so didn't bother with blogging. It's better now I think :l No more exams but I'm so lazy to study & revise...I'll do Maths in a moment. Maybe. lol This post IS about the sand storm. Let me get to it. It was actually sorta surprising 'cause I woke up without any idea that there was a sound storm just outside my window. I just thought it was very windy & gloomy just like any other day? Bf called though & told me there was a sand storm outside & asked if I was going to go school. His voice was rather monotonous & there was no hint of excitement or fear. o _ O? It was like "oh it's just a sand storm" I was obviously freaking out like any other normal person would. When I had looked through my curtains, I had thought for a second that I was deported to Planet Mars (yeh, the height of my imagination exceeds yours by far). A friend called after him to ask aswell. He however was melodramatic. "Are you going to school?! There's a sand storm?! People going hospital - " There goes my last block of battery. I didn't bother to charge it either 'cause I was definitely going to school despite what they/he told me. Being inside a sand storm was absolutely a thrilling thought. It wasn't really that exciting I later found. Breathing it in was bad & everyone used it as an excuise for their difficulties throughout the day. It was getting a bit repetitive. "My eyes are dry..." It's the sand storm. "I think I'm eating sand!!" It's the sand storm. "Stomach ache....ungh..." It's the sand storm. "SANDDD STORMMMM!!" I don't think it's meant to give so many side-effects? It was getting a bit ridiculous. But I AM bloody fatigued. Sand storm? :D But I do know that it caused me to get a real runny nose + sneezes. I suffer from mild hay-fever. The sky was a bright orange/red when I stepped out into the piercingly chilly air. Atm it's a nice, clear & cloudy blue. Looks like the sand from Northern Territory has finally decided to retreat back home. Shoo now. You really stink.

l i c k e d by ℓadɣ ɕarɕar

Canberra

2009-09-13T20:38:00.012+10:00

The largest Spring festival in Australia o _ o Yes. That was exactly where I went today. All the way to Canberra to the Floriade Festival with my bf & his family lol Doesn't it sound so formal?? But they're a bunch of chipmunks like himself so I was mostly occupied. I'm not really a fan of flowers as you can tell from my enthusiasm. Oh yes. Flowers you would think. I like frangipanis & that's about it but it was a good way to spend lots & lots of time with my bf. We exchanged our 1 yr gifts today too (....our 1 yr isn't till another 2 days but we were excited). Yay! He bought me a Neutrogena Wave! I absolutely adore it 'cause I wanted this like yoinks ago? Just my skin was sensitive to things so my Mother Mary didn't allow it. Wth is the w a v e e ~ you're thinking. It's a vibrating device (yum) that cleanses your face, opening up pores & removing dirt 8) Wonderful.

Now for the Festival photos. There's quite a few but they're worth looking at 'cause it's so hmmmms : D

The fattest & biggest sheep (unless I'm mistaken? lamb?) I've come in contact with on our way to Canberra. It was standing next to McDonalds. It inspires you to eat more doesn't it.

Two of the many floral dresses that I like. They're made completely of flowers.

Guitar made up of oranges. Juicyyy.

Field of flowers & a ferris wheel that was moving pretty quickly in the distance. lol I wish I could just skip through them & step on their little petals.

Definitely a cute but exhausted lamb (from a day of harassment even through sleep) & a flock (?) of geese.
The animals felt real weird man especially the sheep o _ o The rabbits felt so soft though ><>cows come in horse-like shapes & they needn't blotches of black & white oblongs on them & they can have manes 8)
I had soooo many other pictures taken but it's with my bf. I'll upload them when I get them. Overall a very sweet day despite the fugly flowers lol

l i c k e d by ℓadɣ ɕarɕar

Fatty

2009-09-11T20:17:00.003+10:00

Yeh, this entry is about the evolution of Carissa into a very fat Lady Carcar. It won't be pretty & knowing that I'll be slowly getting uglier is so disheartening ; o ; I'm getting fat man. I'm not joking. My stomach is getting a bit of a bulge (I am not pregnant thanks : D) but more like it's the yummy food that I've been indulging in that have not been processed so has collected as fatty substances. I hate Krispy Kreme. You go in intending to grab an innocent hot choco but the overwhelming smell of freshly ovened donuts makes your mouth water & your eyes bulge. And the worse thing is that even though you see the donuts rolling in oil right infront of your eyes, your smelling senses crush your sense of sight. Unfortunately my stomach is too far from my brain so it is merely impossible to contact my head quick enough to stop myself from spontaneous purchases. One quick glance at the menu & I settled on this:

A white chocolate blenz. WHAT WAS I THINKING? Not much I reckon 'cause when the girl asked if I wanted cream, I immediately said yes. Why did I say yes? WHY. Personally, I think it's just too sweet but then the Subway Cheese Melt made it better to wash down. I didn't finish the drink ofcourse. Went half-way & retreated in guilt.
I also intended to play a very innocent Truth Game with my friend who didn't purchase anything there & managed to resist the temptation. My intentions went haywire & we ended up asking each other very strange questions with equally strange answers. I'll leave it censored. It's a bit too rude for little children out there reading my blog 8)
Someone help my weight problem. I'm getting fat but I don't want to break up with Krispy Kreme.

l i c k e d by ℓadɣ ɕarɕar

Neighbour's Growing Suspicion

2009-09-09T14:47:00.008+10:00

You wouldn't know that the past few days were HELL. I'm not exagerating this. It is not a hyperbole. My mood swings could've contributed to this but I'm telling you, the major issue that really increased my hormonal outrage relates to my neighbour. Let's give you some background information about him. This will be unbias (I'll warn you of bias material in a bit). He is a recently turned 81yr old man who is an ex-neighbour. Since I have moved, he has found the heart/sympathy to drive me to & from school. He has been mistaken as a pedophile by my friends (& still seen as one by many) however he is only normal - until recently. *bias*
So this is what happened, I'll keep it short so as not to bore you. Last Friday, I finished school later than usual. I had told him I would finish late at 5PM. At 10 mins before 5PM, I had called him to say that he wouldn't need to drive me home 'cause I would be going over to my friend's place. He did not pick up 'cause he was in the car. When I had ran out at 5PM, he had parked right infront of the school & had gotten out of the car to scream & tell me off saying that he had sat there for 2o minutes & that he was sick of waiting & claimed that I was doing "bad things" with boys 'cause I was often with them. He also stated events that I don't recall doing or saying. Haha so he sits out there 20 minutes earlier than the time & complains about it to me? The following Monday, he called me up at 6.30AM with thunder in his tone, saying that I needed to write an apology letter, threatening that if I didn't, I would go to school late.
I had enough. Lack of sleep for the past weeks stressing about ART & about my relationships & I really didn't need him to tell me what to do & what not. I told my mum he was senile. She thought so too. My dad said I needed to treat him with respect despite what he says/does. And so I did. I just don't talk to him which is not sucha big deal since I don't usually say anything anyways.
A conversation with my neighbour just moments ago in the car went like this:
I had told him that I would be going Parramatta tomorrow so that he didn't need to drive me home. His response carried a heavy spark of doubt & suspicion & went something like this:
"Hmm." He's obviously thinking of a way to approach this matter without appearing nosy but this is obviously a failed attempt from his following Q.
"What you going there for?" Why must you know why I am going there? Does this not reinforce your nosy & despicable character. Why must he know about everything? And about every name of the people I walk with & of THEIR lives aswell? Which reminds me, he had asked me once which guy I liked the most & had not forgotten the name since but has permanently deleted the angelic events that I had experienced (such as studying real hard for exams).
"Hmm. A gift for yourself?" Isn't this a silly question. He is again suggesting that he wants to know for whom. Whom so 'special' that would deserve a gift from I. He is demanding a name but he can suck on that.
"A gift for a friend. A friend's birthday." Yes bitch, you're getting no name.
"Hmm. You going there by train that late." He must've tried to carefully craft this statement but it's obviously a Q. again involving my mode of transport. If I replied with 'train' then I would be walking which makes stalking even more accessible from his porch window which I would have to walk past unless I take a diff. route.
"Oh no. My friend is driving me - has *mumbles*his*/mumble* license" I thought it was necessary to mumble 'his' just incase I could get away with it but I guess not. After a very short silence.
"He's a good driver is he?" Well no. He isn't a good driver that's why I'm confident enough to want to sit in his car for the entire journey from Cabramatta to Parramatta. Ofcourse he is just trying to confirm that he had heard 'his' clearly.
"Yeh." What more can I say. Let's just keep this short. No denying. No hiding. I am innocent. After another short silence.
"Does your mum know about this?" I am not sneaking out fyi. But this isn't really necessary. Mind your own business & let me get on with life. He really gets on my nerves. Accumulated patience with this guy has really popped one of my blood vessels. I don't intend to burst another.
"No. Not yet." In other words, shut the f up & drive 'cause she'll know about it. I'm assuming from my A. he will ring up my mum to confirm that I have told her or hint to her that I would be going.
How I hate seeing him.

l i c k e d by ℓadɣ ɕarɕar

Bondi

2009-09-05T23:32:00.009+10:00

Wow. It's 11.30PM. Pretty early to be home from a 18th party but we (of the many few) were pretty - no actually we were ugly - K.O. man. A 2hr drive to & from Bondi was potentially harmful to my head - cold wind slashing against my head, almost increasing the size of my facial pores (I'm serious). Then steak & ribs at Kelly's Bar & Grill at Bondi were really disappointing. The price was very pricey. 26 Australian dollars for a small sirloin steak with fries. Oh puh-leasee, I can get better steak at Cooks Hill for 10 outback bucks. BUT the ribs were real good :9 Like the large dish of ribs were humungous. My pupils dilated from the sight of it like this O_O Sweet & soft just the way i like itt. Thinking of it actually makes me hungry again & we only ate like 3 hours ago...Oh. I think I can smell the ribs in my nails. Strange since I just showered. I must be imagining it *U* I didn't have enough, clearly. After the king supper, we headed to Bondie beach nearby. Pulled off my stockings & tasted the salty wind. *licks finger & places it against the wind* Hmmms. It was perfect. Soaked our feet & ran away from waves. lol The sweetest part was my boyfriend holding me in his arms whilst we smooched *3* We were meant to head to the birthday boy's home aswell for a drink-up but then it wouldn't be so much of a drink up if I didn't drink. Friend said there weren't any Cruisers or Midori. What's the point = _ = I don't want beer. Beer is a man thing. I'm not a man. I have been mistaken as one. I killed those that did. Anyways, the ones in the car I was in didn't wanna go to the drink-up so I didn't either. *shrugs* When I got home my mum was like "HEY. Why aint you at his home partying? You should've." I just stared at her. She has never encouraged me to stay at a party, she has only discouraged me from going to them. I should've stayed just to hang out ; o ; But anyways...a few art pieces before completion of my major art project. Dued Mondayyyyy. I had an intense 9AM-3PM work out in art class at school before leaving to the party. I must've lost calories but then regained it with the dinner 8) Fannnnntastic.

I look real wasted at Kelly's. I didn't even drink LOL

Yes, a crowd of asians + a pinch of euro at Bondi Beach lol

l i c k e d by ℓadɣ ɕarɕar

K.O.

2009-09-02T19:12:00.004+10:00

Yeh, I do feel K.O. & it's not pretty. Why, you may ask. I don't care if you didn't ask 'cause I'm going to say it whether you like it or not. I hate art & that's that. I hate its guts 'cause it eats up time at the speed of me swallowing air T_T I've never used the word 'hate' really on anyone but how I hate you art. My project is dued the following Monday & I think everyone is feeling the pressure now that there's only a few days + nights left. Returned home late at 5PM 'cause we were kept in for...art. So many reasons to hate art & so less in defence.
But the highlight of the day was surprisingly a hot debate on whether avocados had a stem or not. My bf claimed that it had a stem. After many years of consuming avocados, I really think it shouldn't be called a stem but a prick. Yes, 'cause it's too small to be a stem. Apples have stems. Pears aswell but avocados have pricks. I stand corrected. Then we argued about other fruits. I thought the jackfruit looked like a capsicum? My bf called me an idiot. lol >_> He always does. But he's really talented. I'm not trying to be arrogant in behalf of him or boastful. He just is. Look at the major project he made in woodwork. I had to show you. And it actually plays.

Yes. I did say he is talented. *nods* Anyways enough about him. I had these really fantaaasticcc liquid centred lollies from Paris today during art which really motivated me to work a bit faster. Look at these Les Berlandes. Apparently they're sold in franchises named La Cure Gourmande all over Europe. They're mind-boggling man. Their packaging is even better. I had to upload an image of them.

I know it's crap quality but if you ever pass one of these...it's worth fighting over. I did 8)

l i c k e d by ℓadɣ ɕarɕar

NEW

2009-08-31T19:31:00.009+10:00

New skin! New style! New everything! But the same old me which is a deadly reminder since I'm currently hating Year 12. When I finally completed the trial exams (3 days ago), I went to party, party...& yes party.
That's clearly not enough partying but enough for me to feel very very wasted...My pimples are emerging o_o & to think I passed the stage of adolescence by a few days? Nopes. My breasts are still developing 8) But as for my height, I think it's permanently stunted due to an unknown error in my system. Milk makes me grow wider, not taller thanks. The thought of exercise makes me want to sleep even more so imagine me attempting it. (I know I did say I was going to exercise to a few people so that I look slimmer for formal but that idea is off I think)
Just another bludge day clearly. I did not involve myself in anything more than youtubing & net surfing all arvo after school. Oh, now look at the time. I think it's time for dinner. So much for trying to have some routine studying in preparation for HSC. English results were handed out today & marks are as follows:
Short answers: 12/15
Narrative: 12/15
Belonging: 14/15
Comparitive Study: 19/20
Critical Study: 18/20
Representation: 18/20
Why did I ever think these marks were HORRIBLE? C'mon. It isn't horrible but I don't think it's something to be estatic about either 'cause there were many that had 20/20 or 15/15.

l i c k e d by ℓadɣ ɕarɕar